Worst gift ever

Recently I read that woman’s brains and men’s function differently. No shit Sherlock! The interesting part of the article said that it takes ten years for information to move from the left side of the man’s brain to the right side which is the action side. (Or vice versa) But the point is my husband is living proof that is true. Here is the story:
In the late 1970’s one of my friends got an expensive perfume called, Opium. I thought it smelled heavenly and started dropping hints to my husband like, “I love Penney’s perfume, I think I might like a bottle of that Opium, you know for a gift sometime.” I never got it. I got light bulbs. Over the next few years I kept hinting. And the hints got less subtle, “Gee is it Christmas already, I bet you need a hint of what to buy me, I would like a tiny little bottle of Opium perfume. I know it’s expensive but it’s just that I would like it so much.” Still no Opium, which turned out to be a good thing for two reasons, one I decided I hated the smell of Opium by then and two I developed an allergy to scents.
Then around 1988 my husband came home from work and he looked like the cat who swallowed the canary. “I bought you a gift. A traveling salesman stopped in the office today selling perfume. He said they were Knock-offs but smelled just like the real thing. He was rattling off the names of what the different ones were and he said Opium, and I remembered you wanted some of that so I bought it, here this is for you.”
I opened the brown paper sack and pulled out a bottle of cologne the size of a litter of pop. “How did you remember that?” I ask, “I haven’t mentioned Opium for at least ten years.”
“I don’t know it just came to me. I bet you’re surprised.”
“Oh yes, I’m surprised, but how thoughtful of you. Although this doesn’t say opium. It says Impatience.” I say reading at the label.
“Of course not it would be illegal to call it Opium. But smell it. He said it smelled just like opium. And that best part is that whole big bottle only cost $3.00” He said proudly.
I spray some on my wrist and smell….Oh God awful!...It smelled like a combination of skunk and puke.
“Oh yaw that smells a lot like it. Yup. Thanks.” I say with my nose partially pinched shut. I set the one litter size bottle it the bathroom and never use it. Several years later when I have sprayed enough outside on the deck to show that I appreciated it…I finally toss it out.
But the purchase proves is that, it does take ten years for something that went in one ear to travel through the brain to the hand and into the wallet.